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Yesterday, I was the Mother of the screaming baby in the grocery store. That Mom who well-meaning old ladies stop to offer advice to, but really just end up stalling my exit strategy. That Mama who, even after getting home struggled. Struggled to carry in the groceries, the babies and struggled with a messy heart.
My whole Friday was a tangled weave of negative thoughts. Thoughts about my weight, thoughts about my Mothering, thoughts about my marriage, basically anything and everything that could possibly rob me of joy was brought to mind.
I, being in a weak state of mind, surrendered. Not to the God whose Words can breathe Truth into my lie-filled conscience, but to the negativity and despair of the day.
To be honest, the rest of my day didn’t go the best, mostly due to my negative mindset. See, when you come at life from a viewpoint that says the ultimate source of Life is for you, you win. When you come at life with a defeated mindset, you’ve already lost the battle.
In life, my ultimate priorities are my Husband and my children. Those boys are God’s greatest gifts to me and anytime I doubt that He loves me, I just take one look at their faces and laugh at the ridiculousness of that notion. My goal is to create a home where they know they are loved beyond measure, by Jesus and their parents. A home where they are free to be themselves, unashamedly, knowing they are approved of.
At the end of the day, I want them to know that their Mama loved Jesus, their Daddy and them more than anything. Maybe everything was not perfectly loved that day, but all three things were loved well. When it came time to load those tinies in the car and get their Daddy from work, my goal really seemed out of reach. An angry tot and a constantly hungry baby don’t scream peace and love vibes.
But, on the way home, my Husband and I were chatting about our day and listening to music. The song “Broken Hallelujah” by The Afters was on and I was singing along as I sat in the back row with our cranky tots. My husband turned the music down to hear me better and all the sudden we hear the sweetest little voice singing, “Haaaaneeenuuujahhh, Jesus”.
And suddenly, watching the sunset through our old Jeep’s windshield, listening to my toddler worship the God that he already is starting to believe in, everything was okay. Because, at the end of the day, my heart is in the right place and my toddlers heart is in the right place and we all have the Jesus that we so desperately need to erase the messiness of the day.
A Jesus who doesn’t discriminate on where His presence chooses to show up, whether that’s in a beautiful church or a messy backseat.
It’s funny what our toddlers can teach us.
What a blessing to read this before getting ready for church this morning. Love you all! Grandma Orris